Sa Pagitan (In Between) addresses the entanglements of my personal identity as an Ilocano with the country’s violent history that has left me grappling with the privileges I have gained through the suffering of others. Taking the form of a diary made out of cloth and prints I have sewn together, I’ve attempted to connect and mend sensitive truths I’m unable to confess out of shame—a façade to bypass confrontation with those close to me. It contains prints of my family, my childhood, and foliage from where I live. The diary serves as an artifact that scrutinizes my guilt in the middle of overlapping ambiguous narratives. These alternative methods of production and materials were chosen to maximize resources available to me.
The patchwork of fabric and prints recontextualize the memories of my upbringing in my current state of being that seeks to make sense of the inherited debt I feel I have to pay. By benefiting from the projects of a dictatorship that infringed on my countrymen’s human rights, the process of mending and moving forward demands personal responsibility and action that acknowledges the social determinants that shape our existence. This awareness threads societal trauma and suffering with childhood experiences that continue to inform my actions as an adult.
Sa Pagitan is an artifact that wishes to be discovered and understood. It questions whether our personhood is fated or whether we are capable of breaking free from the past we’re tied to.